Over the past year of counting blessings it seems that my lens has changed significantly.

I currently find myself in a very hearty season.

A season full of beauty, full of commitments, full of joy,

full of grief, full of why's and full of wonder .

This type of season usually sends me into a spin as I try to manage, control and orchestrate in an attempt to appear as though I have it all together when I am actually freaking out on the inside that everyone is going to KNOW that I am really an overcommitted, overemotional Hot Mess.

And while that can be true, it is also true that in the fullness of this season,

I am learning a lot about trusting God and believing His word.

I am slowly becoming more secure in who He says I am.
I am learning that He is everywhere.
And I am at my best when I focus on Him.
I want to see and be changed.

I am also finding it easier and more satisfying to express gratitude for the hard stuff and the why's?

The hard and why stuff is ever present right now and 

there are no easy answers to the pain and suffering. 

And perhaps the hard and why stuff is what keeps leading me back into thanksgiving,
back to love and back to acceptance.

Joy is a choice.

A choice expressed most abundantly when I trust and I believe and I move knowing that

 He has me right

 where He wants me. 

His purpose. His plan.
His love expressed through me.
Even when it is hard and the answers are few.

Thanks be to God.

•  little boys who are growing up
• celebrating 7
• my sweet friend who lives hope and inspires my walk
• praying for full, whole miracles
• knowing that He hears and answers according to His sovereign plan
• pink ribbons
• girl's day out
• field trips
• rain, rain, rain
• sameness

Possibilities

Everything is possible for one who believes.
Mark 9:23 (NIV)

This verse has been chasing me for the last couple of weeks and
popping up everywhere I go.

LAB's small group has been asking the question,
"What's impossible with God?" for the last two weeks,
thus many of our conversations have centered around God's mind blowing abilities.

So I was a bit stunned last night when this question and verse came up again in my women's study,

Believing God.
And because, Mrs. Beth does such an amazing job of digging deep into heart matters
and offering little escape from hard to swallow questions,
I have been emotionally wrestling all day.

And after a lot of conversations with God, myself and the teachers in the pick up line at school,
I am beginning to gain a smidge of clarity.
Here it is...
I believe the Bible.
I believe that God works all things for good...
even the hard things that I kind of wish he would do differently.
I believe that He hears my prayers, that He loves me and that He is present in my life.

And sometimes this whole believing thing is just unbelievable
and seriously freaks me out when I really, really think about it.

I don't struggle with believing.

I just get overwhelmed and a tad immobile when it comes to possibilities and I start to limit Him in my mind.

And this verse keeps coming and coming and coming.

And I know He wants my attention about something specific.

I am guessing that it's the specific thing that keeps holding my heart back from going wild with love.

The something specific that resonates in my heart when I fully surrender to this particular truth:

 He's got it.

He doesn't need my help.

I was designed to be free.

To believe, trust and follow Him.

 He wants to blow my mind with His grace.

No matter what.

And that just plain scares me.

Because I know what "no matter what" can look like.

And no matter what can rock your world in some really scary ways

and it can rock your world in some pretty awesome ways.

And truth be told either is pretty scary for me.

And I am not always sure how I feel about falling head over heels without knowing where He will take me.

And I don't know that I want to go wherever He leads.

And I seem to prefer to wrestle and believe that he needs my help.

Because this spiritual tug of war gives me the illusion that I have some of the power

and that I am somehow in control of the outcome...and that just seems safe.

But it limits Him.

And I don't want to miss out on all He can do because I am believing the lie that I have to hold the rope.

I am seeking freedom.

Freedom that finds comfort in His embrace, trusts His plan, basks in His love and craves His truth.

No fear, no worry, no what if's.

No matter what He presents.

No matter what.

And I believe that this kind of freedom is possible for me.

 Nothing is impossible with Him.

Counting grace with Ann and friends,

• puppy errands
• Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Lattes
• Fall decorations mixed with seashells
• baseball games
• tailgates with fun friends
• new bible studies
• sweet hugs from big boys
• jean weather
• pink, pink, pink
• late night walks
• big hits from my little one
• ribs and pasta salad
• football season