HE IS ALIVE!

image from freedomministries.com

Transformation

I just love keeping this list and counting the blessings. This list that counts to one thousand has been HUGE for me and such a victory. Discontentment defined me most of my years and true joy always seemed so far out of reach. Funny how this world normalizes the cravings for more, bigger and better, always promising that our latest and greatest success is just around the corner. My story is far from unique and unique was what I was striving for more than anything. Years spent looking for my next fix...a new house, new clothes, a more youthful complexion, a smaller size, more praise, people who understood how hard I was trying,, validation, validation, validation...(I am exhausting myself just remembering it) but boy how hard I fought to own my image and suffocate who I was created in Christ to be. The irony is that the "self" image I worked so hard to create and control never behaved, never knew peace and ultimately brought me broken and tired to the Cross.

It has been a grossly imperfect path as I surrender my "self" over and over again so that His light can shine and I can become a new creation. Now that I know Him the less concerned I am with me and the more freedom I feel to be still and not overmanage, overcontrol and overwhelm myself with expectations (can i get an amen?). He has worked miracles in my life over the last couple of years and this once lost and always striving girl can now count and count and count, giving thanks to the One who saved her from her self with his perfect sacrifice.

Those who love their life in this world will lose it. Those who care nothing for their life in this world will keep it for eternity.

John 12:25

195- Jellybean cookies
196- Putting together puzzles
197- boys wrestling and wrestling and giggling with the puppy
198- long walks with silly boy conversations
199- crazy green leaves on trees
200- wind blowing through the crazy green leaves on trees
201- Mexican food
202- silly stories from girlfriends
203- mint chocolate chip ice cream
204-baptism of boy's friends
205- funny songs in children's church
206- boys keeping their own lists and how good they are at it
207- big hugs
208- holding hands with my littlest (his hand is just yummy)

This made me laugh, clap and cry at the same time. How cool and what an incredible expression of Joy!!

weakness

It has been one of those WEAK weeks. Choosing frustration over grace, feelings of inadequacy instead of joy, overlooking the truth that transformation doesn't come without process and forgetting to love first. It's ugly and super uncomfortable and while I prefer to blame these moments on hormones, the bigger reality is that my pursuit of Him has been weak. I am humbled by how vulnerable and irritable I am when my priorities get skewed and I am forever wonder-filled that He continues to pursue me with a radical, perfect grace that I simply do not deserve.

2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT)

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

Counting the ways He loves as He shows up moment after glorious moment:

182-silly, happy boys in love with our sweet puppy

183- family meetings

184-lady banks roses

185- telling boys not to shred lady banks roses and throw them all over the yard

185- bright pink azaleas

186-fun nights with friends

187- impromptu dinner party with sister and niece/nephew while hubbies are away

188-spaghetti smiles that give away dinner starting before the blessing has been said

189-worship music that rocks and reminds me who I am and who He is

190- gratitude lists written by boys that surprise with their sweetness

191- bright green grass

192-bbq and cole slaw

193-questions, questions and more questions

One thousand gifts...

And so dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice-the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person, by changing the way you think.

THEN YOU WILL KNOW GOD'S PERFECT WILL FOR YOU, WHICH IS GOOD PLEASING AND PERFECT.

Romans 12:1-2

His plans for my life are so much more abundant than any I could have ever imagined. His grace is suficient. I am practicing this truth daily, sometimes hourly and more often minute by minute.

Trusting, obeying, believing and counting the ways He loves.

Change me, transform me...

139-Red mud from the baseball field creating new opportunities to use my broom.

141- family close by

153-praying for miracles

154- strawberry cheesecake muffins

157-holding hands

168- leaning on His wisdom when I have no answers

169- a brand new, stinkin' cute, oh my goodness, who knew I would love her so much...puppy!

170- silly cousins

171- worship songs that change moments

172- taking risks with no expectations

173- the SUN!

174- school pictures that are SO bad they are hilarious

She Speaks To Me...

She Speaks to me… and thank you Jesus that she does because I might very well feel lost without her. She is my friend, my mentor, my mom, my sister, my friend, my niece and the voice many miles away that I may never meet. She has always known the redemptive power of the cross. Or maybe she found Him as a teenager. Perhaps, like me she found Him in the ashes of tragedy, grief or pain.

Regardless of how she found Him...He has always known her.

Knowing Him causes her to peel back her own layers and examine the ugly, gaping hole that only His love can fill. She digs deep and falls face down at His feet. She exposes herself to His truth and seeks Him over and over again…

She is radically changed.

And suddenly she sees herself, not as a reflection in a mirror but as a flawed, beautiful, transformed, perfectly wonderful, redeemed mess who is so loved by her Father that she SHINES and loses herself in Him. She is His most beautiful creation and I am blessed because she shares her life with me.

• She speaks when she unveils the ugly, hard truth of her sinful past and allows a collision with Him to change her life and path forever.

• She speaks when she testifies how her childhood trauma tears were not shed in vain and how she is awestruck that He has always been by her side and will never, ever let her go.

• She speaks when she sings her songs of praise and leaves our faces wet with tears and our chests swollen in Spirit.

• She speaks in handfuls of flowers, twirly skirts, sparkly shoes and silly songs. She speaks when she embraces his beautiful boy love in the form of baseball, bike rides, Yoda, a thousand questions and surprise kisses.

• She speaks when she writes about grace, children, adoption, Africa, aging, cancer, marriage, homemaking, fear and anxiety while remaining faithful and focused on our gracious, ominipotent Heavenly Father.

• She speaks when she unveils herself and offers transparency, submission, courage, weakness, humility, beauty and strength in Him.

• She speaks when she claims that His provision is Enough and she no longer longs for more.

• She speaks when she is connected enough to hear Him whisper and obeys.

• She speaks with her encouraging love, thoughtful words and ability to know my heart.

• She speaks with her puppy dog tail, precious face and sweet devotion.

She is one of His best….yes…one of his most grace filled gifts and wow, how I am blessed to share this walk. She walks with me and I walk with her….we walk together, towards More of Him and less of Us.

Amen, Amen, Hallelujah, Amen!

How absolutely awesome that He sought to offer a scholarship to She Speaks through a writer who has drawn me and so many others closer to Him by wrecking me with her God love, insight and authenticity....Ann Voskamp @ aholyexperience.com. She Speaks is a conference designed to equip women as speakers, writers and leaders to help encourage and connect other women to the heart of God.