Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Obey

Letting Go...

this weekend i was walking around my neighborhood with my ipod blaring listening to chris tomlin and lecrea's "our God" from the Passion Conference. i felt the heat rise up in my chest. this feeling that i love and that i want to experience all of the time. the warmth and the energy behind it reminds me that i am never alone and that He has something for me far beyond myself. He whispered, "MOVE! DO IT! NOW!" girls, writing a blog could only be Spirit led because the "dig deep" truth is that i would NEVER voluntarily put myself out there and risk rejection and criticism. i have very little confidence when it comes to scriptural knowledge and recording my thoughts on a blog could be a slippery slope for me. it would be better for me to bury my head in the sand and stop the typing. i just don't know about this. but then again, it's not about me.


that's what i get for choosing obey as my "one word" this year . each year on Jan. 1 we choose one word that will focus our walk with Christ and lead us into a deeper relationship with Him. last year i chose, "be still" (a bit rebellious given that it's not one word) and it led me into a heap of changes and a lot of discomfort. after a year of "being still", focusing more attention on Christ than ever before and doing my humble best to give him the reigns, God put a spotlight on some ugly truths about what i valued and who i really trusted. many of my choices did not reflect Him even though i would have told you otherwise. a year of being still, led me to a great big choice, obey Him or obey myself and the world.

i have made a career of knowing myself well. no self-loathing here, just big time transparency. i have been a rather "worldly" girl and left to my own desires, i lean towards material "stuff" and comfort with a big old longing to fit into our culture. obeying God meant less stuff and i worried that without visits to my fabulous hair guy, fun clothes and numerous other financial freedoms, i just might be miserable. i worried that change might create bigger worries than my family and i could handle and that conflicts would arise and shake our marriage. as God would have it, I was right and i could not do this on my own. there was conflict and there were tense, hard times. i needed HIM and i needed to trust HIM. how can it be so easy for me to talk the faith talk but so difficult to put my faith into action...to give it hands and feet? i had to dig deep, to a place i did not know i had and learn the truth that He is and always will be enough. i needed to really get that the accessories of worldly success will never sustain me and will always leave me longing for more, more, more. it felt HUGE but HE kept whispering...."Trust me, you are mine, you are worthy, you are transformed in ME, you are fearfully and wonderfully made....trust ME!"

so i did it. i obeyed. i left a job that i needed to leave but was too afraid. i carved out a schedule that met the needs of my family and went out on my own, risking the rejection that has always seemed too much to bear. we did a budget that was insane in it's minimalism and we cut out a lot of habits that we used to feel entitled to and take for granted. and yes, the enemy has shown up and tempted me with the lies he tells so well. believe me sister girl, i have often found myself unsteady and distracted. tears fall and fear swells and i learn to trust and obey over and over again. and my God, your God, our God, keeps showing up in some of the most unexpected places with an abundance of beautiful gifts. i see and experience His goodness and grace more than ever as I learn to shift my eyes from me to Him.

Joy, unspeakable joy.

what call do you hear? where does He want to take you? will you take a risk and obey?

Digging Deep and Trusting Him...

2 comments:

  1. this is great - i am glad i read it. i want to encourage you that you are on the right path and, though i don't know you, you have a lot to share and encourage others with. keep writing!

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