JOY

I don't know that I had ever thought much about Joy

until a few years ago when I realized I did not have a lot of it.

I was tired and worn out and probably even angry.

I could spend time telling you why but over time I have come to understand that while so much is different about us, there is much understanding when you get right down to it.

I was ready to be transformed.

To lay down the bags that I had carried for so long and experience JOY.

So I started a little project. And in the starting, I learned to STOP. To be still.

And surrender to a truth that had long escaped me. That He is God and I am not.

And my getting out of my own way and the ways of others, made a path towards joy.

It opened doors for me that I would have breezed right past on my own.

It showed me that grace is so much better than being right and that love is harder than I thought.

It convicted me that his will is worth waiting for and better than what I would choose for myself.

It also showed me that loving God doesn't prevent bad stuff from happening.

And that is where Joy has surprised me.

Because the bad stuff kept me from surrendering and sometimes it still can.

The bad stuff can exasperate me.

And He tells us to count all as joy.

And that is so hard sometimes.

Because sometimes I just want it to stop.

I don't want to hear about another child dying, another parent with cancer, another family terrified by their finances, another marriage on the rocks, another believer disappointed by the church, another friendship betrayed, another child abused, rejected, fearful.

The list goes on and on.

But I know He is there. That I am not alone.

Our circumstances most often point us to Him, if we can just let go of ourselves and hold fast to Him.

That is how we begin to know joy in every circumstance, even when it has us on our knees, tears falling and begging for something different.

Joy lives in Him. He is always holding us.

He is my portion. He is my joy.